#ajax the greater

[incorrecthomer]

[sarafangirlart]

“AGAMEMNON !”

“Light that’s not-”

“ACHILLES!!”

“That’s not how that book works-”

“NEOPTELEMUS!!!”

“THESE PPL AREN’T REAL”

“AJAX!! BOTH OF THEM!!!”

“HOLY FUCK LIGHT YOU WERE RIGHT- ”

[emmikay]

Menelaus: Hermione, wipe your feet.

Odysseus: Telemachus, are you all right?

Nestor: Pisistratus, for the last time-

Agamemnon: Orestes!

Achilles: Phyrrus, calm down.

Ajax the Greater: Where is Eurysakes?

Diomedes:

Diomedes: Parenting must be wild.

[rowyndodendron]

Hector dropped this line like a pipe-bomb microphone and my gremlin brain was possessed:

[cayrrion]

First post! hello

[n0ahs-ark]

i cant stop listening to Epic

alt

[thhouseofblack]

things of the 21st century that would send the men of the iliad into a cardiac arrest:

1. Women's Rights

2. The Geneva War Convention

3. Odysseus and his story being the most famous and well-known of all of them

[spineless-lobster]

Made the iliad girlies as text posts because I’m bored and I miss them

[ala-chrisgoods]

great Ajax:*throw a rock*

Hector:*be hit and lie down*

polydamas:*scream*

[masterofthewarcry]

if the iliad was an office sitcom the classic episode format would be this: achilles gets the office into some bullshit. agamemnon spends the whole episode complaining about the problem and berating achilles, achilles yells at him back, they get nothing done. menelaus tries to solve the problem with an anecdote about his wife but no one lets him finish the story. the ajaxes try to brute force everything back to normal and end up making everything worse. patroclus breaks up the fighting between agamemnon and achilles by threatening to go to HR. near the end of the episode agamemnon gives the signal to odysseus and diomedes (who for the majority of the episode have been enjoying the chaos from the comfort of their desks) to actually fix whatever the problem is. odysseus and diomedes fix it, odysseus adds a row to his spreadsheet of things to blackmail agamemnon with, and they all go home. 22 minutes with commercials.

[emandemms]

i'm halfway through the iliad and i've got even more things to add to my "why did no one tell me the iliad was a comedy??" list. probably worth mentioning that i'm reading the emily wilson translation btw!!!

part one!!!

- diomedes telling glaucus he's "not one to fight the heavenly gods" immediately after fighting not one, but TWO of said heavenly gods.

- athena and hera wanting to throw hands with zeus in book 8.

- athena and hera ALSO being petty as all hell and actively ignoring zeus when they return to olympus after he told them to stand down. deserved, if you ask me.

- diomedes calling odysseus a coward when asking for odysseus to help him save nestor.

- "stubborn odysseus" then immediately proceeding to ignore him, and running back to the ships. honestly, don't know what diomedes was expecting, calling the guy a bunch of names like that.

- hector and greater ajax throwing ROCKS at each other in the middle of battle.

- diomedes scolding agamemnon for suggesting that the greeks retreat. the guy had it coming, and diomedes read him like a book and it was beautiful.

- odysseus not calling achilles by name after he and greater ajax came back from an attempt to persuade achilles to forgive agamemnon. he really just told agamemnon and the rest of the greek lords: "this guy is an asshole, y'all, he's still all worked up about it. ain't no way we getting him off his ass to fight."

- the entirety of book 10 feels like a fever dream and i'm kind of obsessed, regardless of what historians/classicists have to say about it. like wdym diomedes and odysseus go out on a little night time stroll while the greek camp is under siege, kill a bunch of men, and come back with some fancy ass horses and weapons??

- nestor kicking poor diomedes awake when diomedes was sleeping on the ground in front of his tent. like, damn old man, you could at least try to see if he'd wake up if you called his name or some shit.

- this is also funny as fuck when you consider that literally a few hours ago, diomedes busted his ass to save nestor's life. this is why we don't help people, kids.

- odysseus telling diomedes that there was no need for diomedes to praise him because "everyone knows i'm hot shit dude, let's just go and get this over with."

- diomedes calling paris a "sleazy flirt" after paris shot him in the foot with an arrow. he calls him a LOT of names, but he basically just calls paris a cowardly, weak-ass slut, which is spot on if i'm being totally honest.

- odysseus immediately trying to mentally hype himself up after diomedes left him alone on the battlefield. he really just stood there like "oh fuck, i can't run because i'm not a spineless coward but i'm all alone out here what the fuck am i gonna do!!!??" gotta feel a little bad for the guy.

- diomedes' and hector's beef. they HATE each other and it honestly cracks me up. diomedes is constantly ragging on hector for being babied by apollo and hector basically keeps saying diomedes is a rabid animal that's out of control.

- hector telling his horses they're lucky because andromache gives them the good wine first, before he gets any. he really said "my wife loves me but i guess she loves you guys more, how the FUCK did you get so lucky???"

[wolfythewitch]

midterm art we crammed on stream godbless

[incorrecthomer]

Ajax: Anyone under 5'7 can't talk about fighting someone. Like, what are you gonna do? Headbutt someone in the nipples? Odysseus: Say goodbye to your kneecaps, asshole.

[friedmagazinebouquet]

Everytime an Ajax showed up in the Iliad, this was all I could think about

[emmikay]

Odysseus: I invented a game. You want to play?

Diomedes: Sure.

Ajax the Greater: Yeah.

Odysseus: It’s called ‘Achilles or the Dogs’. I give you actual quotes I’ve heard Patroclus say, and you guess if he was talking to his boyfriend, or his dogs.

Diomedes and Ajax the Greater: (grin)

Patroclus: Go ahead, make fun. You can’t embarrass me.

Odysseus: Okay! Who was he talking to, Achilles or the Dogs? “I want you to know, the bed feels so lonely when you’re not in it.”

Ajax the Greater: (laughs)

Patroclus: Yeah, I may not be liking this game so much.

Diomedes: The dogs, give us another one.

Patroclus: You know, a man can care deeply about a lover, and his pets! It’s not strange.

Ajax the Greater: Oh, Achilles! I heard him say that to Achilles.

[ri-dumb-fck]

Kassandra: Helenus, I hate it there, this guy Ajax always look weird at me

Helenus: wait, isn't he dead?

Kassandra: no, that's was greater Ajax

Helenus: I thought that was Teucer?

Kassandra: no, Teucer is his little brother

Helenus: of who?

Kassandra: Ajax

Helenus: which one?

Kassandra: greater

Helenus: I thought his father only have one son?

Kassandra: Teucer is illegitimate

Helenus: so, Teucer is the twink one, right?

Kassandra: which twink

Helenus: red one

Kassandra: no, that's Neoptolemus, son of Achilles

Helenus: the gay one?

Kassandra: that's a tricky one, there is lots of gays...

Helenus: tall and sexy one

Kassandra: no, that's Diomedes

Helenus: huh? Isn't he eaten by horses?

Kassandra: no, that's other Diomedes, this Diomedes is friend of Odysseus

Helenus: that one with big boobs?

Kassandra: YEAH, FINALLY YOU GOT SOMETHING